Radiation: Nine Treatments Down, 12 to Go
I have a little break today because the radiation treatment center at St. Peter's is closed for Christmas Eve. Even though this and next week's shorter treatment schedule stretches out the number of weeks, I'm glad for the slight pause. Why? I'm feeling some side effects.
On Tuesday, I met Marilyn at Colonial Park for a walk on the D&R Canal Path, expecting it to be pretty typical of our walks. However, this time, it was a struggle. I'd gone for treatment 2 hours earlier, and was feeling a lot of heaviness in my breast, skin sensitivity, acute soreness in my armpit and left side of the breast, and fatigue. Marilyn is used to walking at a quick pace, and normally that's no problem for me. Not this week, though. On the return trip (we had walked south for an hour and then turned around), I kept having to let her know that I simply couldn't walk any faster. It was just too painful and my breathing was labored (which came as a big surprise to me since I've been on the treadmill regularly and going out for walks). I may limit my walks to an hour until after the treatment is over.
My friend Joe, who experienced his own battle with cancer, had warned me that it would get increasingly worse before it gets better. I'm grateful to have been prepared. Talking with many others who have traveled this path previously (no matter what the cancer) has been very useful. Everyone's experience seems to be uniquely theirs. Some people don't have a hard time with radiation, while others like me do.
I met with Dr. Desai twice this week, on Tuesday and Thursday. I asked him what I should do about the next booster since I'm on the J&J vaccine and have had my 2 shots. He recommended getting a booster every 6 months, but if I can get it in January (will be 5 months), I should.
He's keeping a close eye on the changes to the scar and the seroma in my armpit, as well as any changes to the left breast and the skin underneath it. The redness of my skin and associated nipple pain had become considerable, so he instructed me to double the applications of calendula and/or Cetaphil cream for eczema. I'm alternating between the two every few hours, which has helped some. Although at the rate we're going with all this, I may reach the point when I'm constantly schmearing myself with emollients. My original joke with radiation was "Deb, the other white meat," but in reality, I've become a toasted bagel.
I've also begun taking Aleve again daily, which means Nexium, too. When I take Aleve for any long term pain, it causes its own problems. I've tried other medications that I can tolerate, but they haven't been effective for me.
This couse of treatment is to help with the inflammation. I'm experiencing some notable swelling throughout the treatment area this week, and the NSAIDs should help with that. Although frankly, it just hurts all the time. Sometimes it's a continuous dull ache. Sometimes it's the ache plus some stabbing. For instance, as I type this, I'm feeling the big dull ache plus some stabbing in my armpit and left side of my breast. A moment ago, when I got up to apply some cream, I felt the pain of gravity and the swelling.
I just keep telling myself, "This is only temporary. It's just going to feel this way and increasingly worse for just a couple of months." This technique actually works for me, knowing that it will really suck for a period of time, but that there's an eventual endpoint to this pain. I just have to tough it out for a while and endure the new reality as it comes.
Which is not to say that it hasn't crossed my mind that "increasingly worse" could get really bad. When it does, I practice what Rose calls, "Just-in-time worrying." I'm leaving the future in the future and staying in today.
For those of you keeping score, the armpit scar seems to have reached a stopping point with regard to the length/size of the new offshoot. That whole area gets especially red and tender after treatments now. I will see Dr. McManus (my breast surgeon) on the 30th to get her take on it and to give her a halfway milestone on the treatment.
During this week, I've been on vacation and will be next week, too. I'm grateful for the big blocks of time to rest (and to slather on the creams). The recent covid spike has resulted in my returning to my practices of early in the pandemic: only meeting people for walks outdoors (and limiting those), having groceries delivered, and keeping out of indoor public places. If I weren't feeling so sore and wiped out, I'd probably be having a hard time returing to hermitude. So far, the isolation is small potatoes.
Mind you, the huge amount of privilege I have to be able to live this way doesn't escape me for one moment. I am profoundly grateful to be able to afford the outrageous health insurance that covers the best care possible. So many people are not this fortunate, and we are way long overdue for GOOD universal health care.
I'm trying not to think about what happens when the divorce COBRA expires at the end of 2022. But I will reach out to Cigna to seek options because this plan has been a lifesaver, literally.
As ever, I am truly grateful for all your positive thoughts, prayers, kind wishes, gifts, and cheering on (I'm looking at you Mele). I enjoy reading all your feedback in comments, as well as those in private messages and handwritten letters. Thanks for your friendship and love during these challenging times for all of us.
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate!
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