The Breast Cancer Diaries, vol. 2, issue 4

1 Week Post-Radiation and My First BC Support Group Session

I am happy to say that thanks to the topical medications from Dr. Singh, there has been some progress in healing the radiation burns. While most of my report is a good one, there remain the severely blistered and open wounds under the breast. However, there have been some small improvements as the burned skin has sloughed off and new skin has formed in some areas. It's still pretty painful under there, though.

The armpit area is in much better shape than it was, and has returned to its typical color and has been pain free for a few days now. The steroid cream worked like a charm there. I'm still pretty itchy on the skin above the breast, which is dark red. The nipple area has peeled and is healing, although its topography is still mishapen from being so badly burned. It's insanely sensitive and painful most of the time. Several people who have been through it have told me that it will take a while, but will return to normal eventually.

A new color change has appeared where the "booster" treatment took place. It's a darker oval that covers the breast scar and an inch around it. That made an appearance on Tuesday. It's similar in how the armpit pain and issues appeared 5 days after the main treatment had ended. Clearly, I'm still being cooked from the inside out.

On the whole, I've been keeping up with the Cetaphil eczema/calendula cream ritual on the whole red area (except the underboob) every 1 to 2 hours when awake. It's a lot, to be sure, but it helps lower the pain level.

Along with the moisturization care and feeding, the very tender and angry area under the breast that requires frequent care. After I clean it with the Hurt Free liquid (doesn't matter folks, it still burns there), twice a day I apply the antibiotic ointment. It burns like mad for a good half hour now (sometimes longer). There is much cursing and making of angry faces. I now have a new wrinkle, a vertical line next to my right eyebrow, that can be traced directly to the radiation burn pain.

Several times a day, I also will clean the wounds and treat them with calendula ointment (great call, Sam). That doesn't burn as long as the antibiotic, thankfully. It also stays with me longer. It's like spreading really thick vaseline on the area. When I awake during the overnight (1, 2, or 3 a.m. each night), I'll treat it with the calendula. That has brought some comfort after the burning.

I'm also still spending a few hours a day on my back, holding my breast away from the crease to expose it to air and help the healing. It's a bit of an ordeal, but I'm hoping that by this time next week, I'll have more news of increased healing.

Finally, the lightning pain through the breast happens much less often and doesn't last long. I'm grateful for that. I've been able to sleep on my side sometimes, which also is helpful.

On Tuesday, I attended my first breast cancer support group run by Hope Connections for Cancer Support. A friend receiving treatment at the NIH tipped me off, and because it's all Zoom now, they were fine with me joining from Jersey.

There were 8 of us, including the moderator (not a breast cancer survivor). Some of the women had completed their treatments, two had yet to have surgery, one was in process of receiving chemo, and me. They all spoke about their journeys and struggles. No one had as bad a time with radiation burns as I'm having.

I shared about my previous experience, current situation, and these diary entries. The participants wanted to read these, so I sent a link in the chat. The moderator didn't want me to share it, but then a participant spoke up that she did want to see it. That was a little weird, but otherwise, I'm glad I attended.

I also have been making other kinds of changes to cope with the pain. Importantly, I've increased the number of online recovery meetings I've been attending. So many good things have come out of that, especially a few new friends. I've also increased and deepened my meditation practice. That work includes a daily online international meditation group that has a different leader each time. Expanding my meditation practice has helped in many ways.

As ever, thank you for your kind thoughts, prayers, love, gifts, funny notes, and positive vibes.

Don't forget to schedule your mammogram! Early detection is key.

The Breast Cancer Diaries, vol. 2, issue 3

 Hope in 2 Tubes

This past Thursday (today is Sunday), I saw my new dermatologist, Dr. Singh, who examined the entire treatment area and spent some time looking at the radiation burns under the left breast and in the armpit. He prescribed Triamcinolone cream, a medium-to-strong steroid, to be applied the red, swollen areas that were not open wounds, and Muprirocin ointment, a topical antibiotic for the open wounds. Both would be applied twice a day.

While I was there, I also expressed concern about some new birthmarks which had emerged since the treatment. Dr. Singh took another look and said he wasn't concerned about what he saw, but in a month, I needed to return for a full-body scan. It's been a while since I've had one.

In the early 1990s, I had a melanoma removed from my left thumb. It was right at the spot where the thumb joins my hand. A birthmark started changing shape and growing quickly, so I had it removed. It was tested and identified as a melanoma. The dermatologist asked me to return so that he could go back to the spot and dig out as much as possible to prevent any further skin cancer. He did. It sucked, but he got it all.

Since then, I am scanned to check for further issues. Thankfully, that's been the only melanoma so far. But, now that I've had breast cancer and radiation, my dermatologist and I need to be even more vigilant. Add it to the list.

Back to the tubes o' hope...

Thursday, I applied the medications as directed in two doses. On Friday, at 3 am, I awoke to find that not only had I slept 5 hours (!!!), but when I looked at the treatment area, I saw some improvements. First, the armpit was about half as red and angry as it had been, and under the breast, the burned skin was begining to slough off.

In the past couple of days, the armpit has been peeling, and increasingly less painful, although I'm still treating it with the medications. There are now some very itchy patches, the worst of which being a spot an inch to the right (as you face it) of the armpit scar. It's exactly where the bra strap touches my chest and is tender and red. When I'm not treating it with the Triamcinolone, I'm moisturizing it with the Cetaphil eczema cream.

The nipple area is peeling, but thanks to the steroid cream, the skin underneath is pink, and not angry red. It is still very sensitive and hurts when even soft fabric touches it.

Underneath the breast, unfortunately, it's still very red and angry. Now that most of the old skin has sloughed off, the new skin is very tender. Whenever I'm moisturizing or treating the area, I employ a hand mirror to see what the state of things are at the moment.

At the center of the bright red wound line under the breast, there's a dark purple, nearly black area along the crease. The newer blisters are smaller in size and height. In fact, most of the small blisters appear as flat, red sores. I know it sounds vile, and it's pretty awful, but trust me when I tell you that this is an improvement. Previously, they looked like tiny, angry, red mountains with white tops.

Also, the width of the affected area has expanded. It's now about 3/4 of an inch further up the underside of the breast and about an inch on the chest below the crease. The length of the affected area also has expanded. It's now almost up to my sternum in the inside and an inch and a half longer on the outside edge (not quite out to outside of the breast). Both edges are particularly tender, dry quickly, and require extra care.

As the blisters heal, I can treat that portion of the underside and chest with the steroid cream. For now, though, it's Mupirocin for that area. The antibiotic ointment burns like mad for a good 10 minutes after I apply it. Apparently this is normal. Thankfully, doesn't burn the entire time it's on me.

As far as other pain goes, I still get the lightning strikes through the entire breast, pain at my sternum, and random sharp pains, but they don't last as long as they had previously. On the whole, I am glad to say that the severity of internal breast pain has greatly improved. Certain times of the day it does get worse, though. Around 2 pm, for some reason, the pain comes on hard. It's also bad later in the evening. I've been taking Alleve prior to those times to try to lessen the pain.

So, hope in 2 tubes. I'm glad that the universe nudged me to call the dermatologist and use the C card to get in quickly. I can't imagine how much worse it would have gotten if I hadn't. The best news is that since Thursday night, I've slept at a minimum 5 hours each night. Last night, I slept 6 hours! Being able to sleep has made such a difference, and I am so very grateful for it.

This week, no doctors' visits, thankfully. I will have my first virtual breast cancer support group session on Tuesday evening, thanks to a friend's recommendation. It will be good to "meet" other women experiencing the same things.

Thanks, as always, for your feedback, kind thoughts, funny emails and private messages, gifts, prayers, and love. I appreciate all the positive energy coming my way. Hope you all are safe and well.

If you haven't scheduled your mammogram yet, early detection is key.

The Breast Cancer Diaries, vol. 2, issue 2

A Milestone and a Lot More Pain

You'll be glad to know that I'm keeping this entry short. I'm exhausted and in a high degree of pain. I just don't have it in me to write for any length of time right now.

Today was my last day of radiation treatment. Rang the hand bell at the nurses' station and everything. Wish I could say the moment was triumphant, but it felt anticlimactic because there's another two weeks or so of radiation side effects ahead of me.

This has been the toughest week yet, and it's only Wednesday. I haven't slept much in days because the pain from the radiation burns has increased a great deal. When I do sleep, it might be for 40 minutes, then there's searing pain under the breast, where it's raw, open, blistered, and weeping. The weeping started yesterday. It's as awful as it sounds. I've been cleaning the area with cotton rounds soaked in antiseptic at least 4 times a day, but it just keeps on weeping.

There's also my armpit, which is barely recognizable. It's swollen (not like the seroma, but the whole thing), very angry looking, and open in two spots. That piece is a mystery to me. The armpit has barely been any trouble since the beginning of the treatment, but since I've been receiving the "boost" to the scar on the breast (not the armpit), it's turned into a truly sore spot.

I've been doing all I can with the moisturizers, calendula, Neosporin, and cortisone creams, but the burns have gotten the better of me. Dr. Desai said that they expected it and offered me a narcotic for the pain, which I declined because I don't take narcotics (my anniversary is coming up, watch for the post). He also said to watch for a fever because it's easy to develop an infection at this point. Frankly, it looks pretty scary to me already.

I made an appointment for tomorrow morning with a new dermatologist. Turns out, my guy retired. He is younger than I am by about 15 years, and I said something like that to the scheduler who said he took a medical retirement. Hope he's OK. He was a good doctor.

I told the scheduler of my situation and asked if either of the docs had experience with radiation burns from treatment. She said they both could deal with it. I told her of the immediacy, and she squeezed me in. Hopefully, the doc will be able to offer me some hope and relief.

Wish me luck!

Thanks, as ever, for your continued support, prayers, and love. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

The Breast Cancer Diaries, vol. 2, issue 1

Radiation Burns and the Change in Orientation and Target

Well, it's been a bit of a tough week since the last diary entry. I now have radiation burns in the crease, under my left breast. And, wow, the lightning pain has increased in intensity and frequency. There's also a lot of pain when I change position in bed. Sleep is precious and in short supply.

Thankfully, yesterday was the last time that the entire breast will be irradiated. However, I am reminded by every medical professional I see that "radiation is cumulative, and it will get worse before it gets better."

I've heard that sentence at least twice a day so far this week. I've had to say it to pretty much everyone I've talked to who hasn't had cancer. Essentially, it means that for the next two weeks or so after my last treatment on January 12, my boob will keep on cooking inside and out.

The burns have caused open wounds, which sting like crazy. The Dr. Desai thought I'd be able to tolerate the Silvadene cream he prescribed. But no. I'm allergic to sulfa, which is one of the primary ingredients. I had a reaction and had to stop it because it made things worse.

For now, I'm employing my old friend from removing the adhesive after the surgery, Band-Aid's Hurt Free antiseptic wash. After I very gently pat it onto the area with soaked cotton rounds, I let it dry, or dry it with the hair dryer on the cool setting from an arm's length away. Then, I gently apply Neosporin cream. When I spoke to Dr. Desai about it today, he said that now that the area isn't receiving treatment directly, with how I'm caring for it, the area should start improving in 7-10 days. He also said that everything I'm experiencing is expected and typical (aside from the allergies).

This next part is tricky to explain, but I'll do my best. The radiation therapists recommended getting as much air on the area as possible, which is a challenge when I'm carting around the boob that ate Clifton. But, what I've been doing is using a t-shirt as a sling, and lying on the bed holding the boob up and away from the crease. I'll do this for a couple of hours at a time. At first, I was using my left hand to support the breast, but it started bothering my shoulder. Necessity is the mother of invention, so they say.

The drawback to doing this is that my boob really hurts inside. The new position isn't comfortable. But, it's what I have to do to heal the burns, and that's a higher priority at the moment.

Now that I'm back to working at home in the mornings after 2 weeks of vacation, I am airing the area in the afternoons and evenings. After I post this entry, I will assume that position and watch the rest of "Don't Look Up." [Sidebar, I've gained a new appreciation for Leonardo DiCaprio.]

Today, the radiation therapists and Dr. Desai set me up to treat the scar area on the left side of my breast, to give a "boost" to the area where the cancer was removed. As I mentioned last time, I'm now on my right side, left shoulder tilted somewhat to the left, with my left hand on my left hip. The set up takes a bit longer and requires clear stickers in three locations by the scar. Tammy, my favorite therapist, drew a large black marker circle around the scar to denote the treatment area. (Note to self, wear black t-shirts for after the next 4 treatments.) She, or whomever will be treating me, will do it each time. The radiation itself lasts about 20 seconds.

Before I got off the table today, Tammy assured me that the burns were not as bad as most of what she's seen, so I feel pretty good about that, but sad for the women with the tougher burns. Since TCNJ's president gave us all a day off tomorrow, I can spend more time getting air to the area to help it heal. In fact, I'll be doing a lot of that all weekend long.

On the other side of that restful coin is the fact that I've had to cut my calorie intake significantly. It's to make up for the fact that I haven't been able to exercise since the appearance of the burns, which are located exactly where my bra band sits, under my breast. It's a challenge all the way around. When I wear a bra, I experience pain from the wounds. When I don't, I experience the gravity pains. Wounds win. No bra for most of the time until there's improvement.

I just telling myself that this will all pass shortly, and if I can jsut hang on until February, I'll see and feel improvement and healing.

Then, the next stage begins: medications to throw me into menopause and block estrogen. And all the adventures that go along with them.

Thanks, as ever, to everyone following along who sends good cheer, exceedingly funny and dark memes (more of those, please!), hugs, positive vibes, prayers, and love. Your continued support through this challenging time means a great deal to me. Right back atcha.

P.S.

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